Gettin It on Like Donkey Kong (Adult themed post)

Today is Thursday so it's not technically Hump Day, but regardless it's today's topic. I ain't skeered to admit it's also something that crosses my mind everyday that ends in Y. Don't even think about passing judgment on me because I'm sure your freak card has some stamps on it too! S-E-X is a pretty big subject so obviously I can't cover everything about it in one post. *snaps finger* Darn that means I'll have to write more about it at some point, bummer. <---HEAVY sarcasm

Since I'm a free agent and on the singles market I figured I'd discuss that awesome (or least you cross your fingers for it to be) experience of 1st time nookie with someone new. We've all been there at some point right? Let's set the scene, ok? You meet a fella/chick that catches your attention. You throw out some pickup line that actually works and scores you some digits. You put in the ground work of talking, texting, hanging out, etc. You start thinking "hmmm maybe it's time to step it up some. Yeeaa son." You make plans to get together.

Could it be the night? Cue the porn track

What do you do to prep and get pumped? To boost your confidence?

I know this probably isn't healthy, but I try not to eat. If I do it's something light that will give me energy and doesn't make me feel like a heifer. I suggest stay the hell away from spicy or anything that will cause the nights events to come to a screeching halt because your bowels are protesting. NOT sexy anytime really but definitely not the first time you're trying to impress. 

I pamper myself when getting ready. For me, a single mom of 3, this means actually having time to shave above the knee. I break out the smelly good body wash, my fancy body scrub that makes me feel like a baby's tush, the in shower lotion, dry off with the super fluffy towel, apply the lotion from Victoria's Secret that matches the perfume from VS. Nothing like feeling "so fresh and so clean clean". (you have to sing that last part)

I'll skip over the other getting ready details but will share with you a vital part of my "getting some ritual". Music. Fast paced, gets your heart thumping, makes ya wanna groove type of tracks. My personal favorite is Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry. It's raw and vulgar. In other words, perfect!

To get the full effect from this song I recommend slipping into your sexy drawers and do stripper moves around the house. Shake your money maker till it feels like your hips will fall out of joint. (In my case NO ONE will ever see that dance) Do a lil shimmy shimmy in front of the mirror, give yourself a slap on the rear, and repeat "I'd do me!"

We gonna do this or what? Reading the signs & making your move.

You guys have settled in and gotten comfortable. Made a lil chit chat. Maybe you're sitting on the couch, close enough to show interest yet enough distance to not feel crowded. I'll let you in on a secret. I usually start off with a visual that I'm a calm, cool, collected seductress. BUT usually by this point I'm a nervous wreck. Oh crap this may really happen! I'm guessing some guys must feel anxious too because I've had to wait for a move to be made. Talking isn't bad, in fact it can even give you an opportunity to put out a tentative feeler. Be expressive and maybe when you make a point or laugh at a joke, go ahead and put your hand on his thigh. Once I'm comfy I have no problems taking the reins into my own hands. Eye contact is a wonderful way to let them know they've got the green light. Throw a "come hither" look from under your eyelashes. If all else fails and they don't pick up on the hint, make it verbal. I keep it short and sweet. YOU. NOW. That tends to make my point clear. 

*GUYS: drinking to loosen up is all good. Just keep it limited. Enough to get ya comfortable and confident, but not so much that you have to pep talk "him" into making an appearance. You don't want the below to be your sex anthem*

Lights on?! Jiggle Jiggle.

Now you've moved into hot and heavy territory. Go you!! This is when the real fun starts. Also about the time all my insecurities kick in. Ex: omg he can totally see my belly jelly  from this position, how big does my ass look?, please god don't let him see my O face, am I doing this right?

I'm hoping that I have some male readers because I'm curious, do guys think about things similar to that?  

To hit and run or stay and cuddle?

Personally I think this depends on a couple factors. Such as did you enjoy the whoopie? If so, then ask yourself what kind of dynamic you want from this point on. I've been told that I think like a guy because I don't have an issue breaking off a piece and then telling you to let yourself out. On the other hand if I think it's someone who has potential for more I'm not opposed to a little spooning and basking in the aftermath. It never hurts to let your partner know that they rocked your socks off. If you really meant it when you said then you're lucky cus just think how great it's gonna get now that the "first time" is out of the way!

Giggity giggity!

BONUS QUESTION:

Do you have certain songs to be the soundtrack to your bed rockin?