Mayday! Mayday! Single mother in desperate need of sanity! Does anyone copy?!
I like to think that I can handle most things and keep it together, but today is a shitty wake up call and I am bawling my eyes out right now. I am 500% overwhelmed as a parent. I wrote a post about 3 weeks explaining how my children behave. Today has been the return of Satan spawn. Actually, it's been building up and gaining momentum since my last post but today it came to a head. I am so emotionally and mentally distraught right now I have to keep deleting things as I type because I keep making mistakes.
This past weekend was fairly decent. We had my sons ball games and the girls dance recitals. I took them bowling along with some other activities. Just as a reminder, my budget is extremely tight and I have to cut corners and save even to come up with the little bit of money for these outings. Yesterday was bowling with friends. They got everything they wanted yesterday and fun was had by all. This morning we had dentist appointments. While we were there I talked with the kids about today's agenda. Dentist, home to clean rooms, lunch, and then playtime. If only it went that smoothly.
On the way home from the grocery store I tell em to help me do a quick clean up of living room and I'll do kitchen. That way I have somewhere to sort the dirty laundry and I can start making lunch. Then while I'm cooking lunch and after they can do their rooms. Now while their rooms were fairly messy after friends being here it would only take them 20min top to do! That's when meltdowns began. I cannot for the life of my fathom where they got this sense of entitlement! I know that I messed up somewhere because they run all over me. I asked nicely, I negotiated, then I told them ok no one eats lunch until rooms are done. Well it's been almost 2 hours and no lunch has been served to them. Think they are cleaning? Nope. Wasting time fussing about how unfair I am as a mother and how they hate me because I am so unfair to them. It's friggin ridiculous. I don't like to physically punish my children but my oldest two just got their butts whooped. Not only did they not do what I asked but then they had the F'ing nerve to mouth off to me! Right now all you hear is crying and grumbling. Such a happy household we are.
I have so much stress in my life as it is. I do everything that I can for those kids. I do it all mostly. Yes I have my mother help with activities and the baby's dad gets her every other weekend. But 95% of the daily ins and outs is my responsibility. Do they appreciate it even a little bit? Hell no. I am a sad excuse for a mother and a damn failure at parenthood. This is a depressing epiphany. Things have gotten so bad with them acting like this that honestly most days I can't even enjoy them. I just want to run the fuck away from it all. Give em over to my mother who is always confirming that I'm not worth anything. They'd be better off.
A mother isn't supposed to feel this way, so if I am, what does that make me?
I'm so exhausted in every way. I try to put on that happy face and to act like life is hunky dory...but ya know ..it's NOT. At all. Everyday I struggle to make it through the 24hrs we get each day. Now you all know my dirty little secrets.
Eh. I don't even know what else to say. My mind is scrambled to hell right now. I think I'll go take my aggression out on that enormous pile of laundry.
Only 5 more hours or so till bedtime. Let the countdown begin. Please.
2 comments:
WOW, after all you do for them and give them, now I understand their still young but "WTH YO" I grew up in a house of 4 and being that my dad was military he was ALWAYS gone, so my mother may as well have been a single mother too. But she was quick to wip out the wooden spoon and tann our hides. I actually got it so bad once she actually broke the spoon over my hind-aany (my a$$).
Hang in there, although I KNOW I drove her absolutly up the wall and I was probably the worst (most hard headed)She got through it, WE got through it, and I love her all the more for it.
As for going hungary, GOOD FOR YOU !!!!!! There were several times my parent's would do the same thing. So keep it up. And if they don't want to clean up their mess, they can lose it. When we wouldn't clean, my mom would do it. If she did it, it was a long time before we got it back if even at all.
Lastly if your OWN mother is trying to tell you what a bad person and mother you are, that's just her way of trying to bring you down so she can rise up. In other words, take the spot light off of her own faults and short comings. FUCK HER !!! Sorry my bad.
Chris D
What a HOT mess!!! You need more babies maybe run a daycare.
Post a Comment